A few weeks ago I received a message from one of my clients. He shared with me a list of things that are helpful to him. I believed those are all his insights, and I congratulated him. I was surprised by how much he learned in such a short time.
“List of Helpful Things To Facilitate Me In Creating A New Life”:
- Do not punish or judge yourself. Accept yourself just as you are. Appreciate yourself. Experience yourself as a good, valuable, worthy, loving, strong, active, dynamic, caring, acceptable, capable and beautiful person.
- Intimacy has become equal to abuse in my mind. I must create a new pattern, a new way of understanding and a new way of experiencing. Therefore, in this new way, intimacy does not equal abuse in my mind. Instead, intimacy equals love, caring, respect, tenderness, gentleness, acceptance, safety, peace, trust, joy, positive feelings, happiness, laughter, warmth, communication, sharing, patience, honesty, authenticity, mindfulness and health.
- Believe in yourself. Do not break your wings before you start to fly. It is okay and good for you to dream big.
- Affirm that you do not want abuse of any kind. Do not think of yourself as a screwed up person. Do not shame yourself.
- Do not let your environment have total power and control over you.
- You can always make an attempt to connect in healthy ways with healthy people. If your attempts fail, you must not give up, instead keep trying. Be good to yourself. Show yourself love.
- Bad habits of thought harm you. Change bad habits of thought. Create good habits of thought.
- Create good decisions, thoughts and actions in the present. Do your best in the NOW moment.
- Do not expect that others care about you. Expect only that you care about yourself.
- Fight the victim mentality, if you do not want to be a victim. Speak up for yourself. You must speak up for what You do not tolerate. It is not enough to just think about what you do not want.
- Setting healthy boundaries is a healthy expression of love for yourself.
- Affirm that you care about yourself.
- Happiness is a sum of choices that you make everyday. Happiness is a decision that you make everyday.
- Worry only about yourself. Do not worry about others.
I was even more surprised when he replied, “Those are all your words, things that I’ve learned from you.” I didn’t even consider that it came out of my mouth when I was reading it. It sounded like it came from somebody else, wiser than myself. I call this part of “You”, an Inner Master.
Most of us are unaware of the Inner Master within us. It arises to the surface of our consciousness whenever we need to help a friend, whenever we open our hearts and face the situation not because we “know” how things should work and be, but because we feel that it is the right thing to say or do. It comes from an intuitive level of ourselves. Many people call it “a gut feeling”, but it can be a thought too. If we’re so good at giving brilliant advice to others, why do we suck at using them in our own lives? It’s because we don’t know how to use that part, our “Inner Master” when we actually need it.
We all struggle with situations or thought processes we don’t feel comfortable with. To tap into your “Inner Master” for your own sake all you need to do is ask yourself a few simple questions. “What would you say or do for your best friend in the same situation?” Imagine your friend crying, beating himself up over some mistake he made. Now, let’s say you had a relapse. What would you say to your best friend in the same situation? What do you usually say to yourself in your mind when you have a relapse?
If you can be loving, compassionate and wise while talking to your best friend (imaginative or not), why can’t you be that for yourself? Guess what?! You can!
Start being your own best friend today!