Dear Readers,
All of us function based on particular schemes* and if we are not aware of them, they will rule and ruin our lives. That’s why I came up with a list that can help you develop an understanding of your own functions and move you towards a healthier more aware expressions of yourself
- Wounded Child Scheme
A person who operates from this scheme often feels helpless, lonely, sad, misunderstood, unsupported, broken, overwhelmed, needy, unloved, unlovable, lost, trapped, left without purpose or opportunities to change, pessimistic, abandoned, rejected and weak.
- Angry Child Scheme
A person who operates from this scheme is often enraged and frustrated, simply because his/hers emotional needs aren’t met.
- Impulsive Child
A person who operates from this scheme is selfish, impulsive, can’t postpone gratification, has a lot of anger and frustration as well as a lack of patience because his/hers emotional needs aren’t met.
- Happy Child
A person who operates from this scheme feels loved, is content, fulfilled, safe, protected, accepted, appreciated, worthy, supported, understood, has high self-esteem, is autonomous, immune, strong, influential, can find the middle ground with others, is spontaneous and optimistic.
- Dutiful Servant
A person who operates from this scheme is passive, seeking for approval of others, submissive, self depreciates and belittles himself/herself to avoid conflicts and rejection. It allows abuse and bad treatment from others and doesn’t express his/her true needs. He/she engages in relationships with people that are making this scheme stronger..
- Withdrawn Protector
A person who operates from this scheme is cut off from his/her own emotions and needs, he/she isolates from other people, rejects help, feels withdrawn, spaced out, shut off, empty and bored. Uses distractors to numb his or her feelings or seeks overstimulation in a very compulsive way. He/she experiences feeling that he/she isn’t there and often is pessimistic, cynical or indifferent to protect himself/herself from engaging in relationships.
- Attacking Protector
A person who operates from this scheme is condescending, aggressive, dominant, rivaling, belittles others, overly controls, rebellious, manipulative, takes advantage of others, focuses on drawing attention to himself and high status to compensate for his/her unmet needs.
- Punitive Parent
A person who operates from this scheme feels he/she deserves punishment, judges/blames himself/herself and others, moves towards punishment and often uses violence.
- Demanding Parent
A person who operates from this scheme has to behave in a perfect way, achieve great goals and keep everything in the right place. They are always honest, altruistic and maximally productive. They avoid wasting time as well as spontaneous spurs of emotions. He/she has very strict, inflexible rules of “proper” life.
- Healthy Adult
A person who operates from this scheme is an healthy adult who takes care of the needs of the wounded child, sets boundaries to the angry and impulsive child and strengthens the aspirations of the happy child. He/she eliminates or replaces unhealthy schemes of the servant, punitive and demanding parent to participate in adult activities like: work, raising kids, sex, pursuing intellectual interests, engaging in hobbies, social life, sports and taking good care of his/her mental/physical health.
Different situations trigger us to function from different schemes. We may switch from one to another within minutes. Even though, most of us have one or two most prevalent schemes of functioning including all above, with the exception of healthy adult, to say the least, fragmentary expression of our full potential. That’s why it’s crucial to be aware when we are functioning in one of them and start a process of internal dialogue that will lead us to a healthy adult state.
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*Scheme – Automatic pattern of functioning